There’s Only One Way to Talk to Your Daughter About Campus Sexual Assault. This is How You Do It.

It’s all too familiar. It happens every year like clockwork before school starts. As parents across the country send their daughters off to college with the goodbye hug and kiss, stern warnings follow: “Remember to always cover your drink,” “Don’t drink too much,” and “Don’t walk alone.” Parents, I have some sobering news for you. This advice that you’ve given generation after generation has never been proven to keep your child safe.

Nicole Bedera, a Ph.D. candidate at the University of Michigan and a leading researcher of campus sexual violence and response, provides the right guide for navigating conversations about campus sexual assault with your college-bound daughter.

The reality is that nothing you or your daughter can do will guarantee that she won't experience violence in college. Victims don't "cause" rape, which means they can't necessarily prevent it either.
— Nicole Bedera (@NBedera) January 16, 2020

Having a parent's support is important and it's something that most college-age survivors I've interviewed worry about. They worry about being judged and blamed by their parents. They worry about a parent's over-the-top emotional reactions. Prove in advance they can trust you.
— Nicole Bedera (@NBedera) January 16, 2020

That being said, there is one intervention targeting women that–while in early stages–has been able to reduce sexual violence rates. The focus isn't on rape prevention tips, but on feminist empowerment. https://t.co/M74MA2gPpR
— Nicole Bedera (@NBedera) January 16, 2020

If I think about those lessons in the context of a child's home, this is the advice I'd offer: Let your daughters blow off their dad sometimes. Let them question his authority. Let them talk back. Let them leave the room in the middle of an argument.
— Nicole Bedera (@NBedera) January 16, 2020

This will be especially important if the greatest risk to her is an authority figure (e.g., a professor, coach, doctor). But it will also apply when the threat is a peer.
— Nicole Bedera (@NBedera) January 16, 2020

Reduced self-blame is a big deal. It is associated with reduced trauma symptoms and a greater capacity to seek help from both formal and informal resources.
— Nicole Bedera (@NBedera) January 16, 2020

My other big piece of advice is to hold your daughter's college of choice accountable. Because the college CAN prevent sexual assault and protect your daughter in a way you will never be able to.
— Nicole Bedera (@NBedera) January 16, 2020

Ask what resources are available for survivors. Ask how they are funded and if there are plans to expand them. Ask about the training professors receive on supporting the survivors in their classes. Ask to see the victim advocacy office. (Then suggest they need more space.)
— Nicole Bedera (@NBedera) January 16, 2020

Above all, treat your daughter like the valued grown up she is and insist that her college does the same.
— Nicole Bedera (@NBedera) January 16, 2020

You might not get to be the expert on sexual violence in that conversation. Your daughter might be the one teaching you.
— Nicole Bedera (@NBedera) January 16, 2020

Self-defense is coming up a lot as well. Here's what the research says on that: https://t.co/1KGaiy5Hcw
— Nicole Bedera (@NBedera) January 17, 2020

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