Recently, the private Instagram account @houseofeffie alleged that they’d been emotionally and physically abused by actor Armie Hammer. The account, which has remained anonymous, shared many—currently unverified—screenshots of their exchanges with Hammer, where he describes graphic kinks, including cannibalism and consensual nonconsent. “I am 100% a cannibal. I want to eat you. Fuck. That’s scary to admit. I’ve never admitted that before,” Hammer allegedly said. The exchange elicited a strong response across the internet, and numerous memes sprung up that made fun of Hammer’s fetish for flesh and blood. While the anonymous poster was attempting to expose Hammer for sexual coercion, emotional abuse, and sexual assault, social media rapidly shared jokes about his cannibalism fetish. And soon enough, people condemned the posts as “kinkshaming.”

As the social media discourse spiraled—half of it focused on the humorous aspects of an actor being a cannibal and the other half debating kinkshaming—the most egregious aspects of parts of @houseofeffie’s allegations were ignored. Rather than attempting to make a joke or a statement on kink, the anonymous poster was claiming that there are several young women who have been victims of Hammer’s coercive grooming and emotional manipulation and they’re finding one another and trading screenshots in a group chat. One of Hammer’s exes, writer Jessica Ciencin Henriquez, tweeted on January 12, “If you are still questioning whether or not those Armie Hammer DMs are real (and they are) maybe you should start questioning why we live in a culture willing to give abusers the benefit of the doubt instead of victims.” On January 14, app founder Courtney Vucekovich told Page Six that Hammer was emotionally manipulative and sexually coercive: “I was trying to catch my breath the entire time I was with him. You’re drowning in this dark hole trying to stay afloat. There will be random moments of good that convince you to stay,” she said.

After Hammer and Vucekovich broke up, she said she had panic attacks and had to check herself into a 30-day partial hospitalization program for PTSD and trauma. Yet, social media fails to acknowledge Hammer’s most violent behavior—as if the abuse allegations aren’t the most pressing. As usual, there has been little nuance around an issue as complex as abuse, especially abuse that is couched in kink and BDSM language. But it is worth examining how Hammer has used kink and BDSM rhetoric to scaffold his violent and abusive behavior and the ways the broad terms “kink” and “sex-positive” are used to dress up normative heterosexual male desire as progressive. When practiced consensually, BDSM and kink can be a liberatory experience for many people, including sexual violence survivors. And when practiced appropriately and safely, much of BDSM and kink is about recognizing and renegotiating power dynamics. “Most experienced members of the kink community put a high premium on consent, and as is the case with most BDSM scenes, all of these dynamics are carefully negotiated beforehand, with both parties participating in an extensive post-play briefing to share what they did and didn’t enjoy about the experience,” EJ Dickson wrote in a recent piece for Rolling Stone about the allegations against Hammer. “Aftercare, or the period of time where the dominant tends to the sub’s physical and emotional needs, is imperative for even the most experienced kinksters.”

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